Reverend Father, it's about my mistress.....
Sept 22, 2021 14:52:29 GMT
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Post by Monique Adelina De'Ath on Sept 22, 2021 14:52:29 GMT
"So you wish to seek God's forgiveness through the confessional, my son"?
"Well, yes, sort of father....you see...errr, now where shall I begin...it's a most awkward subject and I don't know where else to turn? I can't use a docteur, what with me being one and my rivals would spread gossip about me, I've got no army chums as I quit the Army to become a full time docteur, my best pal is in West Africa and poor Arnold is no more hence I felt it best to come and see you father".
"The confessional is the proper place to open your heart to the Lord, my son, unburden your soul with repentance for the worldly sins thou may hath committed, tell all to God, my child, he will forgive a true penitent".
"Oh, really..wow...right then, if that's the case I can tell you it all, you see I'm in a dilemma father. I've been dating this lady friend of mine for as long as I can remember, strong woman, father, you daren't get on the wrong side of her by missing out on mass, or not spending hours each evening reading scripture, nor can one, unless one is a braver man than I, dare to suggest that we pop out to my club for a few wines and a gamble with the dice, basically father it's all out, everything except religion"!
"You say that as if it's a bad thing my son, your good lady sounds a most devout woman, a fine Christian, an example to others through her piety".
"Yes, that's precisely it father, and I've had more than my fair share of it these months, these long, long months....sigh.....I mean, a man has needs father, you know what I mean, well err maybe you don't exactly but it's nature's way, surely, didn't the good Lord intend for man and woman to, ummmh....ahhh..sort of procreate like, get friendly...nudge nudge, wink wink.....it's perfectly natural father, she's the one that's not!! I daren't mention a kiss and a cuddle, let alone an early night and it's driving me crazy, I'm a vigorous man, father, virile, healthy and damn well gagging for it"!
"Holy Mary, forgive him his utterances Lord, tis his ignorance of social grace and church etiquette that he speaks in such a way. My son, my child, steady your words"
"Forgive me father, I got a little carried away there but I'd wager you any man would be the same if he'd had to endure what I have plus, did I mention it, she's broke as well, not got a livre to her name and I am having to pay for her expenses every month and do I get so much as a big kiss on the lips for that, a quick squeeze of the derriere, like hell, ooops, sorry heck...like heck....do I!! Now here's the dilemma do I or don't I"?
"Do you or don't you what, my son"?
"Ask her to marry me? Now, I can see your eyebrows raising there father, through the peep hole bit here, but pray allow me to explain -
On the plus side I see this - 1. She stops being destitute by virtue of joining my household permanently and I can maintain her upkeep more beneficially. 2. My social status will truly rise as a result. 3. I can host a great big bachelor party and invite everyone. 4. And this is the biggy, I might actually end up getting 'it' from now onwards as we'd be man and wife and I'm entitled to my conjugal rights there father.
On the down side I can picture if the pluses fall through in anyway I'm stuck with the woman for keeps, a lifetime of episcopal routine and being nagged over some perceived failing or another.
So what do you think I should do father, what does God say about it"?
"Ummh...now the Lord he works in mysterious ways my son and he may need to take a little while to ponder over the best way forward for you, these things take time. However in the interim I want you to go and recite 20 Hail Mary's and do your rosary for an extra half hour each day and then I'm sure at some time in the future all will be revealed to you. So go in peace my son, go forgiven for your sins and always give your prayers to the Almighty....by the way the collection plate is just to your right as you reach the exit".
"Well, yes, sort of father....you see...errr, now where shall I begin...it's a most awkward subject and I don't know where else to turn? I can't use a docteur, what with me being one and my rivals would spread gossip about me, I've got no army chums as I quit the Army to become a full time docteur, my best pal is in West Africa and poor Arnold is no more hence I felt it best to come and see you father".
"The confessional is the proper place to open your heart to the Lord, my son, unburden your soul with repentance for the worldly sins thou may hath committed, tell all to God, my child, he will forgive a true penitent".
"Oh, really..wow...right then, if that's the case I can tell you it all, you see I'm in a dilemma father. I've been dating this lady friend of mine for as long as I can remember, strong woman, father, you daren't get on the wrong side of her by missing out on mass, or not spending hours each evening reading scripture, nor can one, unless one is a braver man than I, dare to suggest that we pop out to my club for a few wines and a gamble with the dice, basically father it's all out, everything except religion"!
"You say that as if it's a bad thing my son, your good lady sounds a most devout woman, a fine Christian, an example to others through her piety".
"Yes, that's precisely it father, and I've had more than my fair share of it these months, these long, long months....sigh.....I mean, a man has needs father, you know what I mean, well err maybe you don't exactly but it's nature's way, surely, didn't the good Lord intend for man and woman to, ummmh....ahhh..sort of procreate like, get friendly...nudge nudge, wink wink.....it's perfectly natural father, she's the one that's not!! I daren't mention a kiss and a cuddle, let alone an early night and it's driving me crazy, I'm a vigorous man, father, virile, healthy and damn well gagging for it"!
"Holy Mary, forgive him his utterances Lord, tis his ignorance of social grace and church etiquette that he speaks in such a way. My son, my child, steady your words"
"Forgive me father, I got a little carried away there but I'd wager you any man would be the same if he'd had to endure what I have plus, did I mention it, she's broke as well, not got a livre to her name and I am having to pay for her expenses every month and do I get so much as a big kiss on the lips for that, a quick squeeze of the derriere, like hell, ooops, sorry heck...like heck....do I!! Now here's the dilemma do I or don't I"?
"Do you or don't you what, my son"?
"Ask her to marry me? Now, I can see your eyebrows raising there father, through the peep hole bit here, but pray allow me to explain -
On the plus side I see this - 1. She stops being destitute by virtue of joining my household permanently and I can maintain her upkeep more beneficially. 2. My social status will truly rise as a result. 3. I can host a great big bachelor party and invite everyone. 4. And this is the biggy, I might actually end up getting 'it' from now onwards as we'd be man and wife and I'm entitled to my conjugal rights there father.
On the down side I can picture if the pluses fall through in anyway I'm stuck with the woman for keeps, a lifetime of episcopal routine and being nagged over some perceived failing or another.
So what do you think I should do father, what does God say about it"?
"Ummh...now the Lord he works in mysterious ways my son and he may need to take a little while to ponder over the best way forward for you, these things take time. However in the interim I want you to go and recite 20 Hail Mary's and do your rosary for an extra half hour each day and then I'm sure at some time in the future all will be revealed to you. So go in peace my son, go forgiven for your sins and always give your prayers to the Almighty....by the way the collection plate is just to your right as you reach the exit".