To: Bishop de Pooh

[Monique Adelina De'Ath]

Your Grace,

I have recently been most unsettled by the actions of my personal confessor Fr William Souris.

You see I have been a staunch advocate of his for many months, since my arrival in Paris, upon the recommendation of my cousin Lord Bastian De'Ath, now a resident of Madrid. Unfortunately, last month, this Fr Souris was seen in the company of some wanton harlot, a certain Mlle des Marais, who he chose to offer personal spiritual (if not additionally earthly) support to instead of my good self.

I hear, through good sources, that you are not of such stock and know how to treat a lady, in particular a lady who is also a personal penitent and supplicant. How would you like to take me on and become my personal priest? I could make it worth your while, you know, I'm very discrete and a lady of means.....let me know...nudge, nudge, wink, wink.....

Yours piously,

Monique Adelina De'Ath

[Father Vincent de Pooh]

Mademoiselle De'Ath,

First thank you for the missive.

As to the Good fathers actions, come My dear, is this perhaps not a touch of the green eyed monster lurking here?

I have known the Good father for some time and he is a devout person and Priest. You suggest he has wandered from his path as a Priest and servant of God.
You say that he was “seen” in the company of this Lady, who I may add you use some unflattering terms to describe and shame her. Have you ever met this this Mademoiselle, or even taken time to talk to her and find out why she is in the Good fathers company? Passing on innuendo does not become you, a Lady who by all accounts is held in some esteem.

No, Father William has my confidence unless there is actual evidence to the contrary, as he should from you, as the good book tells us:

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

As to you request, unfortunately I have a full book of people to whom confess to me. I would if there were a space, take you to confession, for a I fear there is much in you that a good confession would clear.

Lastly as a man who came to the cloth some what late in his life I have life's experiences that other members of the cloth may not have and thus can see an approach for what it is. I will pray for you each day in my daily prayers for now and if a space comes available I will contact you and offer you the chance to join if you still wish.

I remain,

Your Servant in God,

The Most Reverend Vincent de Pooh 

Archbishop of Paris