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Post by Guest on Oct 17, 2019 6:44:24 GMT
Extract From A Sermon Recently Delivered at the Church of St Père...
But what of today, My Children? At the Second Coming of Our Lord who can expect to suffer the wrath He bestowed upon the Money Changers of the Temple ?
Sadly, we need look no further than our own Holy Mother Church. To the bloated dignitaries who have been seduced away from the Path of Righteousness by the worldly trappings of luxury and wealth. Dignitaries who gain more from a a single church service than an honest footman can expect to make in four years. Who live in fine mansions while the poor at their gates go without shelter. Who travel in fine carriages while the poor they pass go barefoot....
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Post by Monique Adelina De'Ath on Oct 17, 2019 7:36:39 GMT
I hope this denouncement doesn't include Physicians as I can assure you I am as poor as a church mouse!
Dr Giuseppi Spaghetti
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Post by Guest on Oct 17, 2019 8:37:23 GMT
Bothwell's Burblings...
1st Member: ...Couldn't organise a bonk in a bordello...
2nd Member: Who?
1st Member: That shower over at Hunters.
2nd Member: Oh, yes. One of their members meets a heroic death at the front and they still haven't been able to organise a good send-for him...
1st Member: Exactly! And until they do, no-one wants to organise anything else in case it clashes!
2nd Member: I know. So inconsiderate.
1st Member: Would never have happened in our day...
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Post by Guest on Oct 21, 2019 11:44:44 GMT
At a House on the Rue des Tissanderies...
First Voice: That will be all Jeanne, you can leave the wine...Well Maman, what do you think?
Second Voice: You've done the place out very nicely, Dear. Where did you get the curtains?
First Voice: I got the material from Le Manteau de Padarn, a new shop opened by a Monsieur Aiguelle, but Jeanne and I made them up.
Second Voice: Your new housekeeper isn't just a pretty face then? It looks like you were lucky to find her.
First Voice: I've been pondering whether or not to tell you this, Maman, but I feel you should know the truth. When we accompanied Madame la Vicomtesse to St Denis and I visited the Hotel de Ville, it was on my own account rather than hers.
Second Voice: What possible business could you have there?
First Voice: I examined the will of your father. He left us one thousand livres each.
Second Voice: Why, that's wonderful news !
First Voice: I'm afraid it's not. Uncle Philippe swore to the to the St Denis magistrate that he didn't know where we were...
Second Voice: That's a blatant lie !!! I told Father Martin the address of the house I bought here when we first arrived. But when he attempted to pass the information on Philippe silenced him and told him he just wasn't interested.
First Voice: When you failed to appear after seven years the bequests were declared unclaimed and Uncle Philippe took our share.
Second Voice: So that's why he cast us out ? To steal our share of my father's bequest?
First Voice: It would certainly appear so, Maman. The same thing happened a couple of years later when your Maman passed away. She had left us 500 livres each.
Second Voice: Unforgiveable. He knew full well how to find us! Would Madame la Vicomtesse loan you her carriage so that we can go an confront the despicable blackguard with his contemptible falsehoods ?
First Voice: Do you think that would do any good? He's under no obligation to give us a sous.
Second Voice: He's under a moral obligation to give us what we're owed.
First Voice: Yes, but do you think he'll give a hoot about that, given the lengths he went to rob us in the first place ?
Second Voice: Probably not...so, what do you suggest?
First Voice: Perhaps one of his sons might be shamed into restoring their family's honour and making some restitution?
Second Voice: I asked you to have nothing to do with either of them !
First Voice: And I've respected you wishes, Maman. But I have made discrete enquiries. The elder, Edmond, is a Captain in the Picardy Musketeers...
Second Voice: Philippe's old regiment...
First Voice: Yes, his father might think that he's chasing the knighthood that eluded him, but in fact he spends all his time in debauchery at the Lady's Slipper.
Second Voice: He doesn't sound much of a prospect...
First Voice: No, but his younger brother is a different kettle of fish. He's a priest at St.Père and very devout by all accounts. We might find him willing to right the wrongs of his father.
Second Voice: Will he have the means to do so ?
First Voice: Not all at once, perhaps, but he may in a position to repay a little at a time. Why don't we compose a letter to him between us and see what happens?
Second Voice: It's worth a try, I suppose. Could you refill my glass please? Monsieur Duval is selling the shop next to ours. If we could purchase it and extend our own we might get considerably more business...
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Post by Guest on Oct 21, 2019 15:45:36 GMT
Aunt Lorraine (née Fournier) to
Her estranged nephew Father Dominic Fournier,
Greetings!
Father Fournier,
I have no idea what your father may have told you about me, but the truth of the matter is as follows:
When your grandfather, Roger Fournier, died in 1614 he left one thousand livres each to my daughter Helen and myself. (Helen's father and I had been engaged to be married, but he was killed in duel which was none of his making before the wedding could take place. It is my deepest regret that Helen was thus denied her right to be born in wedlock with the blessings of Holy Mother Church - a sin for which I am still full of remorse despite having been absolved of it eons ago).
The slab covering the family tomb at Garges had barely been replaced before your father cast us out - and then falsely claimed to have no knowledge of our whereabouts so that he could cheat us out of our inheritance (as he cheated us out the inheritance our mother left a couple of years later by the same means).
I have no legal recourse to claim the monies stolen from us since our bequests (of which we knew nothing) were declared unclaimed and the matter formally closed by dividing them between the remaining heirs (your father and your grandmother where the first is concerned, your father alone with the latter).
As a devout servant of God, however, I trust you will agree that your father has a moral obligation to make restitution. Consequently I am petitioning you to use what influence you have with your father to persuade him to do right by us. I am asking this of you now because the humble merchant whom I married has a rare opportunity to better our family by purchasing an extention to our business - but lacks the 400 livres necessary to effect this.
The well-respected Avocat and Doctor of Law Maitre Louis Giry, who has a hard-earned reputation for probity and offices on the Rue de Macon in the Quartier St.Andre, has in his possession both notarised copies of my father's will and the judgements regarding the division of his estate, together with proof positive of my identity. Please feel free to have him prove the veracity of my claims to you should you so wish. (Any monies offered in restitution should also be left with Maitre Giry for subsequent disboursement).
I'm pleased to relate that your cousin, my daughter Helen, made a good match to a ship owner and is currently residing in Marseilles. Naturally, I will ensure that she receives any of the monies due to her which may be forthcoming.
In sincere hopes that you will add your voice to our just cause,
Yours Respectfully in Christ,
Your Estranged Aunt Lorraine (née Fournier)
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Post by Guest on Oct 29, 2019 9:10:08 GMT
Pillow Talk...
First Voice: ...My clientele ? It varies widely, from kindly old priests who entered the church as a vocation and have never regretted their choice, to pushy young Divinity students who see the Church as a safer gentlemanly career than dodging musket balls at the front. Thankfully, the fact that I sell works by Calvinists in addition those by pillars of the Catholic Church means that I'm spared the fanatical bigots of both persuasions.
Second Voice: I know what you mean...I met one of those just the other day. I was waiting for a friend near St Pere when I got into conversation with a certain Father Dominic Fournier. The priest mentioned that he was a follower of the doctrines of the Dutch theologian Cornelius Jansen. When I commented that I'd heard it was similar to Calvinism where predestination is concerned he went apoplectic, asking how I dared to compare him with a 'heretical Huguenot!' He became quite abusive actually, calling me an 'ignorant strumpet' amongst other, even less flattering, things and I came away most upset by the encounter.
First Voice: Yes, that's exactly the type I was talking about My Dear - and you get them on both sides of the religious divide. Fanatical Huguenot's denounce me because I carry Catholic literature and fanatical Catholics denounce me because I carry works by Calvin. I expect your priest refuses to enter my shop - I certainly don't recognise the name as belonging to a customer.
Second Voice: You know, Olivier, you've just given me an idea...Perhaps you could help me play a practical joke on this abusive Priest and teach him a lesson in humility ?
First Voice: What do you have in mind, My Sweet ?
Second Voice: If this Father Fournier was led to believe that his family were new converts to the Calvinist Faith he'd likely have a seizure - and serve him right! Perhaps you could send your boy around to the Priest's lodgings with a copy of Calvin's "Psychopannychia" (making sure he gets a signed receipt so you know it's been delivered to the correct party)? Alongside the book you could send a letter to the effect that the Priest's father ordered the book from you and asked for it to be delivered to his Paris lodging so that he could take it with him next time he returned to the family home?
First Voice: Ha ha ha...I can envisage the steam coming out of this Jansenist Priest's ears already ! But what if he visits the shop to enquire about this supposed encounter with his father?
Second Voice: Well, as chance would have it, I actually met his father on recent visit to St Denis. (He was quite rude too - must run in the family). If Father Dominic appears you need only say that a gentlemen introducing himself as Philippe Fournier came to the shop and acted as described in the letter we'll compose. If you're asked, he is of average height, wears rich auburn should-length wig, and walks with a slight limp (favouring his left leg).
First Voice: And what if Philippe Fournier himself appears to make enquiries ?
Second Voice: Why, if the gentleman purchasing the books wasn't Philippe Fournier ("and he was very similar in appearance to yourself, Monsieur") then it looks like they have been the victims of an elaborate hoax (which you had nothing at all to do with, of course).
First Voice: You have an answer for everything, don't you My Chicken ? Very well, I'll do as you ask.
Second Voice: Excellent ! Let's compose this letter while everything is still fresh in our minds...
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Post by Guest on Oct 31, 2019 15:54:31 GMT
At the Courthouse, Place Jannetiere, St Denis First Voice: And how may I help Madame la Vicomtesse, Madame? Second Voice: She's enquiring into an estate at Garges formerly owned by a Monsieur Gerard Despard. She has been told that Monsieur Despard was killed in a duelling accident in 1612 and I believe the record of the inquest is held here? First Voice: Ah yes, before His Majesty's edicts against duelling came into force many young gentlemen met a simliar end...let me see...ah, here it is...yes, three persons were called to give evidence: Henry Highwater, Vicomte de Trouville and eldest son of the Comte de Deaville; Roland Gorne, Baron de Milly-en-Gâtinai and eldest son of the Vicomte de Graville; and Josef Chartier, the Vicomte de Trouville's coachman. Second Voice: And what testimony did they give? First Voice: Monsieur le Vicomte testified that his coach had stopped due to one of the horses having picked up a large stone in its shoe. His coachman was removing the stone when Monsieur Despard appeared and demanded the coach be moved so that he could get past. Monsieur le Vicomte requested that he wait until the horse had been seen to, at which point Monsieur Despard took umbrage and various insults were exchanged, culminating in Monsieur Despard challenging Monsieur le Vicomte de Trouville to a duel. Monsieur le Baron de Milly agreed to serve as second to ensure fair play. The two duellists exchanged blows and Monsieur succumbed to a fatal thrust to the heart. Monsieur Despard was carried to St.Denis but was declared dead upon arrival. Second Voice: And what of the testimony of Roland Gorne, the Baron de Milly ? First Voice: It agreed with the testimony of Monsieur le Vicomte in every respect. Second Voice: And the coachman ? First Voice: Let me see...mmm...it seems that he was never called to give evidence. As an employee of Monsier le Vicomte it was taken as read that he too would corroborate his testimony in every respect also. Second Voice: Thank you, Monsieur. And what was the verdict? First Voice: It was judged that Henry Highwater, Vicomte de Trouville, did kill Monsieur Gerard Despard in self defence and consequently no charges were ever brought. Second Voice: Thank you so much for your help, Monsieur. I'll inform Madame la Vicomtess without delay.
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