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Post by Church Caretaker on Jan 30, 2020 5:53:48 GMT
In The Confessional...
First Voice: I must admit that it's disappointing that you have not yet managed to curb your aberrant appetites, My Son. Still, at least you put only your own soul in peril. Preferring the company of men I often agonise whether my partners actually share my preferences or merely comply thanks to my position...Anyway, perhaps you'd like to illucidate this time before I grant you absolution? Second Voice: Monsignor ? First Voice: I must confess some curiosity regarding how you actually...do it... Second Voice: I see. Well, when operating 'in the wild', as it were, it helps immensely if you have a sheepdog and some loose-fitting boots coming to just below the knee. When the dog has rounded up a suitable partner you grasp the sheep firmly and place its front legs inside your boots. First Voice: Its FRONT legs...!!! Second Voice: Of course, Monsignor! It's only polite to give them a kiss and a cuddle and get to know them a little first...
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Post by Fellow Mourner on Jan 30, 2020 10:25:37 GMT
After the Funeral... First Voice: Hello Philippe. I can't tell you how sorry I was to hear of your devastating loss. Second Voice: Lorraine? Is it really you ? I didn't for the life of me think you'd come... First Voice: Oh Philippe! A family tragedy like this far overshadows any past wrongs I may have suffered at your hands. In any case, I forgave you for them years ago. Second Voice: Ah, Geraldine. You remember my sister Lorraine? Third Voice: Of course! So nice to see you again. I just regret it had to wait for such dolorous circumstances. And who is this refined young lady? First Voice: May I present my daughter, Helen. Fourth Voice: Pleased to make your acquaintance at last, Uncle Philippe and Aunt Geraldine - though I too wish it could have been in happier circumstances. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I was to hear of your recent tragedy. Having both your sons killed in such circumstances must be almost impossible to bear. Second Voice: Indeed. We didn't even know that Edmond's company was at the front! The Colonel seemed to prefer the pleasure's of Paris to the rigours of war and never left the capital unless he had to. No-one seems to know why he suddently decided to volunteer half his troops to the Spanish border - and since he was killed in the ensuing battle alongside every officer he took with him I don't suppose we ever will. Oh, I had such hopes for Edmond! Had he lived he'd doubtless have attained a knighthood - perhaps even a Barony. I've always longed to see the Fourniers take our rightful place in the ranks of the nobility... Third Voice: And we had no idea that Dominic had become a regimental chaplain at all! He was ministering to the Parish of St.Pere last we heard. Sadly, we'd become somewhat estranged of late thanks to some silly misunderstanding. Helen dear, perhaps I could show you around this beautiful Church? You have many ancestors entombed here in Garges and I'm sure your Mother and your Uncle would welcome some privacy? They must have so much to catch up on... Second Voice: It is a beautiful church isn't it? Look, I'm not just saying this because you're here, Lorraine, but I've often regretted turning you out as I did. First Voice: I recently discovered why you did it, Philippe. Three thousand livres is a tidy sum, and it would have been much more difficult to pocket what should have come to Helen and myself had we still been here. No...don't bother to deny it. Like I said, I forgave you long ago. Although I had to marry into trade, rather than into the gentry, I've not been totally discontented with the life I've been forced to lead. Second Voice: It's such a relief to hear you say so. I still can't tell you how sorry I am. First Voice: I suspect our stolen inheritance seems a worthless trifle in light of the loss you've just suffered? It must be terrible to have all hope of grandchildren snatched from you so brutally and to see your long-held dreams of nobility shattered so completely... Second Voice: Is that why you're really here, Lorraine? Have you just come to gloat? First Voice: Not at all!! I've come to provide a glimmer of hope in your hour of despair, Philippe. Second Voice: Hope? All my hope is gone! Surely you must see that? First Voice: Your hopes of seeing a son rise into the noblity are gone, certainly, but you might still see a daughter do so. Second Voice: I have no daughter... First Voice: Not yet. But surely you took note of what a rare creature Helen is? Second Voice: Indeed. In looks she seems to take more after Gerard than yourself, and I well remember what a handsome devil he was. She seems to have inherited the Fournier grace of movement, however. First Voice: Yes, she's an excellent dancer. My other children seem to take after their father too, in looks and everything else. I fully expect them to follow in his footsteps and be relatively content with their lot. Helen's beauty, wit and intelligence - not to mention her excellent head for business - could take her so much further, however. With the right support - support which I'm unfortunately not in a position to give her - she could even become a leading light at the Royal Court eventually (though she'll need some considerable time at Madame Duschene's first, to give her manners that courtly polish). She tells me she has her eyes on a Vicomte and, with the right kind of help, could secure a most advantageous marriage indeed. Second Voice: And you're looking to me to provide the right kind of help, I suppose ? First Voice: Well, instruction at Madame Duschene's doesn't come cheap, Philippe - and don't you think you owe it to her ? If you were to legally adopt her - I would raise no objection of course - she could divest herself of the taint of bastardy. Then, provided with the wherewithal to pay off a few trifling debts and live in the style expected of the widowed only daughter of a wealthy gentleman, I'm sure she could become the toast of Paris. Marrying into the nobility would be assured. You will never see a son become a Vicomte, Philippe, but at Helen's wedding you could give her away to one and become the proud father of a Vicomtesse. Second Voice: I must say, Lorraine, that paying off Helen's debts, providing her with an allowance of over a hundred livres per month plus a suitable dowry - and _then_ footing the bill for an expensive wedding...it seems a very steep price to pay for the pleasure of giving your daughter away to a Vicomte... First Voice: Oh, she'll get her Vicomte, Philippe - with or without your help - though she'd obviously find her climb into the nobility easier with your support. The only question is whether you wish to live out your days as a wealthy gentleman of little consquence, or ride into the nobility on the coat tails of an adopted daughter... Second Voice: Ride how ? First Voice: Well, it's common knowledge that you have attempted to buy a Barony on a number of occasions - but have always been refused on the grounds that you are merely the son of a lowly gentleman. Second Voice: Yes, damn it! Just because I'm not the dissolute son of a penniless Baron - and in despite of the fact that I could buy and sell a dozen Barons and still have change! First Voice: Well, an offer to purchase a Barony from the father of Vicomtesse would be far more difficult to dismiss than one from an unknown country squire, wouldn't you say? Especially if the Vicomtesse were to accompany you when you made the offer? And you've just admitted that you could easily afford to support a daughter now you have no other drains on your purse...
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Post by Fellow Mourner on Feb 5, 2020 9:26:52 GMT
The Other Church Conversation...
Fourth Voice: The Parish Priest delivered a beautiful service, Aunt Geraldine. Third Voice: Yes, Father Martin has known the boys since their baptisms. I wish he'd spent a little less time on the gruesome manner of their deaths though. Fourth Voice: Oh surely you can take some pride, and even a little comfort perhaps, in the fact that your boys sacrificed themselves so bravely in the defence of France and the service of His Majesty? Don't you feel that their deaths served some greater purpose and thus counted for something at least ? Third Voice: Not really, Dear. I wish neither of them had ever donned a uniform at all. They'd still both be here had that been the case... Let's talk of something more congenial, I beg you. What of yourself? Do you have a husband Helen? Children perhaps? Fourth Voice: Not any more, Aunt. I was married to a Doctor for a time, but the marriage was not a happy one, I fear. When he drunkenly fell down the stairs leading to our appartment I confess it was a release rather than a cause for regret. Third Voice: You poor, dear child! And what of the present? A pretty girl like you must have a gaggle of would-be suitors at her door, I'll be bound...? Fourth Voice: Indeed Aunt, but I'm rarely 'at home'. A lady must take care of her reputation and none of them are potential husbands. Third Voice: So, it's a husband you're after? Fourth Voice: Yes Aunt, and I think I've found the perfect candidate. He's relatively rich, recently widowed and childless. Nearer to you than I in age, but still rather dishy. Are you familiar with Marshal de Camp le Vicomte Roland Gorne ? Third Voice: I can't say I am. A Vicomte, no less! And somewhat older than you by the sound of it? There can be advantages to marrying an older man. Dear. Their gallivaning days will (hopefully) be behind them and they seem fated to make their wives into wealthy widows eventually. Does he have any oher family to claim the inheritance ? Fourth Voice: A single younger brother, but he's a professional soldier and will hopefully find himself a grave at the front eventually. Oh! Forgive me Aunt!! That was so insensitive of me !!! Third Voice: Oh, life must go on Child, and I appreciate that you have your own to lead. Were you a daughter of mine...Oh, I so wish that Philippe and I had had a daughter of our own. Were you a daughter of mine I'd be spending some time giving you reams of advice about how best to snare this Vicomte of yours.. Fourth Voice: Perhaps you can, Aunt? I'm hosting a wake for my lost cousins and their comrades at my club when I return. I'd be delighted if you and Uncle Philippe could attend. Third Voice: Your club ? My, how things have changed. Women weren't even allowed into clubs as guests in my day. But I have nothing to wear child, and where would we stay? We have no house in Paris, you know. Fourth Voice: Oh, mourning garb will be quite appropriate Aunt, and I'd be happy to have you as guests at my own house in the Quartier de la Mortellerie quite nearby. Not just for the wake either, but whenever you wish to visit Paris really. It's not quite a mansion, but it doesn't fall far short. Third Voice: Oh, it would be wonderful to see more of yourself and your mother in the future, so that little good can come out of this terrible tragedy. Naturally, you'll be welcome here in Garges whenever you like too. It's things like this that make you realise how precious - and fragile - family ties are, Helen. It's so kind of you to issue such a blanket invitation, especially in light of the...shabby treatment your mother and yourself received at Philippe's hands. I hope you realise that I had nothing to do with our unfortunate parting all those years ago? Fourth Voice: I was only a toddler at the time, Aunt, and have no recollection of it whatsoever. I bear no ill will to either of you, truly. Third Voice: What a kind, compassionate and well-brought up young lady you've turned out to be Helen! You must make your mother very proud. Fourth Voice: Oh Stop, you're embarrassing me Aunt ! Will you come...? Third Voice: Ah, it seems an age since I was in Paris - and I must confess that I'm dreading returning to the house. It will seem so empty without the boys there, though it is some time since either of them actually visited. Let's see if we can persuade your Uncle Philippe to take me to Paris shall we...?
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A concerned maker of zippers
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Post by A concerned maker of zippers on Feb 6, 2020 21:07:46 GMT
Overheard at the local meat market......
Voice 1; Can you imagine it? An Abbe accused of public drunkeness? Voice 2; I have no idea what the world is coming to. Voice 1; It is of course a false accusation, made up by that Curate, you know the petit basier who is always wanting .. well you know the scuttle. Voice 2; You have seen that the Curate is holding a service while the Tribunal is happening yes? I mean you would expect him to want to be there to watch. Voice 1; Well maybe some right minded parishioners would want to talk to the good Curate about that.
With the rhythmic chopping of meat and bones this reporter departs
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Post by Church Caretaker on Feb 7, 2020 17:26:18 GMT
The Recent Sermon at Saint-Julien-le-Pauvre...
First Voice: For my subject today I shall take the duties of a Priest to his flock...
Second Voice: Baaa!
First Voice: As Saint Paul said...
Second and More Voices: Baa, baa...BAAA!
First Voice:...in his epistle to the Corinthians...
Crowd of Voices: Baa...baaa...BAA...baa...BAAA!
First Voice: (Cannot be heard for a cacophony of bleating)...
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Post by Church Caretaker on Feb 8, 2020 8:51:39 GMT
A Fruitless Visit...
First Voice: I'm afraid Curate Lachapelle is not here, Subaltern d'Blancheur.
Second Voice: Oh? Where might I find him?
First Voice: He's out ministering to his flock, Sir.
Second Voice: Really...? I thought he'd sold the sheepfold...?
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