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Post by Guest on Jan 16, 2020 6:33:35 GMT
Recent Raucous Ribaldry (heard on the streets of Paris)
A Curate who never was kind Thought the Animal Kingdom don't mind He used a fine halter While over the altar He buggered 'em all from behind
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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.
Q. Why did the Curate cross the road ? A. His member got stuck in the chicken.
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Post by Bessie the Sheep on Jan 16, 2020 15:56:33 GMT
October Observations...
First Voice: I must say, you have beautiful church here, Curate. It's humbling to think it's a place of worship which has stood here since the Blessed St Francis walked amongst us. Second Voice: A church has stood on the site of Saint-Julien-le-Pauvre since long before that, Monsignor, though this particular building dates only from the 12th Century. Let me say what an honour it is that you should visit, Right Reverend Monsignor - though I must say that some prior warning of your arrival would have been appreciated... First Voice: It's standard procedure to arrive unannounced, Curate, to confirm that there are no irregularities in the services performed by those seeking promotion. How long before Mass begins? Second Voice: Half an hour, Monsignor. Perhaps the Right Reverend Monsignor would like to enjoy a quiet glass of wine in the vestry whilst I complete the final preparations? First Voice: Most kind of you, Curtate. I wonder.... Third Voice: BA First Voice: I beg your pardon ? Second Voice: I didn't speak, Monsignor. Third Voice: BAA First Voice: Then what was that? Second Voice: What was what, Monsignor...? First Voice: That noise? It seemed to be coming from over here.... Third Voice: BAAAA! (A curtain swishes) First Voice: Curate, could you kindly explain to me why there appears to be a tethered sheep in your confessional...?
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Post by The Good Shepherd on Jan 16, 2020 15:58:30 GMT
At the Bishop's Palace, Poitiers...
First Voice: ...So, naturally My Lord Bishop, after such a display I could hardly award a promotion on this occasion.
Second Voice: Quite so, Monsignor. You know...it's Priests like Father Lachapelle that give you Franciscans such a bad name.
First Voice: How so, My Lord ?
Second Voice: Well, I appreciate that the Blessed St Francis exhorted us to love ALL of God's creatures, but surely he envisaged little more restraint ?
First Voice: Oh I agree unreservedly, My Lord Bishop.
Second Voice: Next time Father Lachapelle seeks promotion, perhaps you could suggest that he might find ministering to a Norman flock more to his taste?
First Voice: Normandy, My Lord ?
Second Voice: Indeed, Monsignor. They raise a lot of sheep in Normandy...
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Post by Guest on Jan 17, 2020 8:41:55 GMT
More Raucous Ribaldry (heard on the streets of Paris)
1st Voice: After St. Francis, who is Curate Lachapelle's favourite Saint?
2nd Voice: Oh...don't tell me...I heard this one when it first started doing the rounds...favourite saint, favourite saint...Oh! Of course! Saint Baaaa-tholemew !
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Post by Guest on Jan 17, 2020 10:25:02 GMT
At a Salon in the heart of Paris
First Voice: And I mean have you read the novel, just outrageous that a man of the cloth can get away with writing such perverse things.
Second Voice: Honestly I could forgive the blasphemy if the prose had at least been competent, but it's one of the worst novels I've ever read all the way through
First Voice: Indeed, and Father Lachapelle has shamed himself rather disgracefully with his actions these past few days, attacking Helen Bacque
the poor dear.
Second Voice: And have you heard the rumors about Father Lachapelle, people say he's a wreck of a man, totally consumed by evil
First Voice: I've heard he frequents the whorehouses regularly, that his passions rage for Men, Women and Beasts and that he's never performed a sermon sober.
Second Voice: Really does make one question the quality of the men who seek out service in the church.
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Post by Bessie the Sheep on Jan 17, 2020 18:33:12 GMT
Latest Lachapelle Limerick...
When 'Good' Curate L. cannot sleep He pictures himself as Bo-Peep He loves the long tresses And nice flouncy dresses...
(Though his favorite "garb" 's Bessie the Sheep...)
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Post by Church Caretaker on Jan 17, 2020 18:38:01 GMT
Overheard from the Confessional at Saint-Julien-le-Pauvre...
First Voice: Oh, My Poor Child! I cannot begin to tell you how saddened I am by your plight. That this evil man has you totally in his power and regularly forces you to take part in unnatural acts is truly heartbreaking - and that you have no hope of escape even more so. That I am powerless to end your torment is a heavy cross to bear indeed. But, I beg you, take some comfort from the fact that, although we mortals have no means of understanding why, this must surely be part of God's Celestial plan. Please accept that no guilt whatsoever attaches to yourself from these ghastly encounters. You are utterly blameless in this and the Sin lies squarely at the door of the monster who regularly uses you so cruelly and heartlessly. I absolve you of all sins, My Child.
Second Voice: Baaa
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Post by Bessie the Sheep on Jan 19, 2020 2:00:39 GMT
At the Feed Merchant's...
1st Voice: Curate Lachapelle has just ordered a bale of the sweetest hay. Has he bought a horse recently or something...?
2nd Voice: Naaa...he's probably just planning another romantic dinner for two...
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The Canon's Housekeeper
Guest
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Post by The Canon's Housekeeper on Jan 21, 2020 11:32:41 GMT
At the Fine Parisian House of the Canon of Reims, Early November...
First Voice: Why Helen, what a pleasant surprise !
Second Voice: This isn't a social call, Porthos. Have you not seen the hurtful drivel that despicable Curate Lachapelle has written maligning both Abbé Robin and myself?
First Voice: I'm afraid I haven't. I don't really involve myself in literary affairs.
Second Voice: Humph...Terming it 'literature' is akin to giving the title of 'sculpture' to steaming horse droppings! It's nothing short of a deliberate, libellous attack on our good names and reputation. Indirectly it's an attack on you too. It's well known that you recently promoted Francois Robin to Abbé and accompanied me to his recent sermon.
First Voice: What is the nature of this attack?
Second Voice: Lachapelle falsely claims that Abbé Robin is a vicious unreclaimed creature who has sold his soul the Devil and that I am his shameless doxy - and anyone else's who'll part with a couple of sous for the privilege. It's outrageous! Although I've been through some hard times in the past I've never lowered myself to walking the streets or working in a bordello !!
First Voice: So, what would you have me do, Dear ?
Second Voice: The only way Abbé Robin and I can clear our names is to have Lachapelle's poisonous scribblings publicly denounced as as slanderous falsehoods. I'd like to you to petition the Inquisitor to summon him to a tribunal on two counts of malicious slander. He's openly living in a luxury unbecoming to a lowly Curate too.
First Voice: That certainly seems an appropriate response under the circumstances if, as you say, this work is an indirect attack on myself also. To claim that I'd promote a Satan worsipper to Abbé and associate with a common prostiture is outrageous. I'll get a letter off to the Inquisitor this afternoon.
Second Voice: Thank you, Porthos. I knew I could count on you.
First Voice: Do you wish to make confession while you're here?
Second Voice: I've not committed any sins requiring confession since last we met, Porthos.
First Voice: Well, perhaps we could rectify that beforehand My Dear...?
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